And in the blink of an eye the boys were 9 weeks old.
It was as if the whole ordeal never happened. Certainly I had dreamt the entire journey up. Laser surgery in San Francisco with amnio reduction at 23 weeks, my water breaking at 27 weeks causing a chain reaction of inpatient for 67 days, an MRI, dozens of blood draws, 200+ NSTs (fetal monitoring sessions), 47 nurses, 8 doctors and 23 crocheted animals. Sitting here on the back deck, 9 weeks after their birth day, I still feel like I am processing it all, still working my way through the emotional & physical atrophies.
I fasted the evening before the delivery and had to wipe down with sterilizing pads that leave you feeling super sticky all over. I remember lying in bed that night looking over at Greg who was asleep on the couch. This was it, these were the last moments, nothing would ever be the same. All the waiting, all the lead up to their birth, we were finally here and yet I couldn't help but feel like there was another test ahead of us. I slept hard that night, dreaming of that finishing line very slowly coming into view.
In the morning we monitored the boys again and did an ultrasound to check their position. Both boys were breech but since we had already opted for c-section there was no cause for alarm. When everyone was ready, the nurse came into the room, snapped a few pictures of us and walked us down to the delivery (operating) room.
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| Dressed for Delivery |
They prepped me in the OR and put my spinal in without complications. There are a lot of checks that happen with every c-section and the whole operating room buzzes around you while the drugs begin to take hold. The tornado of energy circling around and you're the quiet eye of the storm, slowly drifting off to a slower, fuzzy place.
With two infant warming beds set up to my right & a large blue curtain hung in front of my face to keep the surgery area sterile, all pre-checks were done and the delivery began.
Spinals numb you from the chest down but it does not keep you from being able to feel all the tugging and pulling while they move your organs out of the way and get the baby into the right position. I remember that jerking feeling when Juniper was born but this time it felt violent, not in a painful way, but with a desperate need to get those boys earth-side.
When the doctor got close to pulling Twin A out, they lowered the blue curtain revealing a clear curtain so I could watch the boys being born.
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Lachlan Kai Schmerber
(Twin A)
June 2nd, 2017, 9:29am
4lb 13oz, 19 inches |
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Bennett Koa Schmerber
(Twin B)
June 2nd, 2017, 9:32am
4lb 15oz, 19 inches |
The moment they pulled Lachlan out I remember feeling relief in my hips and lower back. Once Bennett was born my side of the room fell quiet while the NICU doctors began accessing the boys.
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| Delivery Room Warming Bed |
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| The nurses & doctors begin checking out the boys to see if they need to be admitted to the NICU |
Greg kept bouncing between the warming beds & my bedside while they finished the c-section & tubal ligation (tubes tied). All the tugging and pulling left me feeling really nauseous so once again I found keeping my eyes closed the best course of action for the remainder of the procedure. Once the boys were wiped down & swaddled they were brought over and laid on my chest while they finished the c-section.
The NICU doctors determined that the boys were having some trouble breathing so they were going to admit both of them. When the doctor was done sewing me up Greg went with the boys to the NICU and I was rolled into the recovery room to be monitored for 2 hours. I felt so empty, the silence and lack of movement was deafening.
When it was time to move out of the recovery room they wheeled me down to the NICU to see the boys. On the way we passed by Room 14, my home for the last 67 days. I was glad to not be going back to that room but it was bittersweet none the less. I'd found comfort in the routine I had in that room. I was going to miss all the wonderful nurses that took such amazing care of me in that room, but hard journeys require leaving things behind.
Once in the NICU I got to hold one of the boys for about an hour before they moved me to the postpartum floor where I met a whole new team of nurses. There they began managing my pain and making sure we were taken care of. Greg and I spent the next two days going between the NICU & our new room as often as we could to hold the boys. They both had CPAPs on and they were being fed thru feeding tubes, all that headgear made it very hard to see their faces.
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| Greg & Bennett |
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| Me & Lachlan |
I was discharged from the hospital two days after the c-section. For the next two weeks we drove from our home to the NICU to hold the boys every day. We took advantage of our time with Juniper and knocked out a couple tasks at home too. I am grateful that I got two full weeks to recover before the boys came home but having children in the NICU leaves you incredibly vulnerable. Those two weeks were longer than the previous 2 months I had spent at the hospital. No amount of reading and research will prepare you for that journey but know that if you find yourself in that position there are many people who are here to support you in any way you need.
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| Lachlan |
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| Bennett |
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| Lachlan's NICU Room |
The boys were very slow to progress thru each stage of their NICU stay but after two weeks the doctors were ready to send the boys home.
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Bennett & Lachlan
(their first picture together) |
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| Lachlan |
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| Bennett |
Our time since then has been a wonderful blur of visits, bonding and normalizing. Infant twins and a toddler definitely keeps us on our toes. The boys are eating every two hours around the clock. Greg and I haven't slept longer than an hour and a half for three weeks now. Juniper's favorite word is "no" and is really beginning to embrace being a "terrible two". Greg is back at work now and being a stay-at-home-mom with three kids under the age of 3 is an excellent practice in patience.
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| Bennett & Lachlan |
Juniper has been adjusting fairly well but she has been very sensitive the last couple weeks. I have successfully made it out of the house with 3 kids & the dog for a walk without too much trouble and I'm hoping we can make it part of the daily routine.
Home life has settled into a newly defined "normal". The boys sleep a lot during the day and June takes her usual afternoon nap just like before. There is a never ending cycle of cleaning bottles & changing diapers. OMG... so many diapers... But wow, I wouldn't trade a single second of it. We're all together again, moving forward as a family. Learning more every day. We made it through one hell of a test and we're all closer than ever because of it.
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| Grandma, Grandpa, Juniper, Lachlan & Bennett |
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| Oma, Juniper & Lachlan |
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| Opa & Bennett |
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| Greg & Juniper |
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| The lovely Juniper Jane |
Tomorrow is SchmerbFest and we can't wait to introduce the boys to the family. Thank you for going on this journey with us. Thanks for loving us and for supporting us through all the ups and downs. We made it!
With love,
Whitney
