If you are high risk or if you have had any feelings that this may be in your future, come to terms with it and recognize it as part of the journey to having healthy babies.
It isn't fair, it isn't part of the birth plan, it is the farthest thing from normalcy that you will hopefully have to experience during your pregnancy but it is the best place you can be for the health and safety of your babies. Being a mother means that you need to make sacrifices and sometimes those sacrifices are required long before you are holding that baby in your arms. This pregnancy has been really rough on my family but we keep our heads high, chalk this up to preparing us for life with newborn twins and recognize the fact that we lost control the second we decided to become parents, again.
As of today I have been in the hospital for 54 days. That's 7 1/2 weeks of being away from home, away from my daughter and husband, away from my parents, nana & friends. 7 1/2 weeks of fetal monitoring, ultrasounds, vitals checks, hospital food, uncomfortable beds and isolation. I'm obviously not going to sugar coat this experience but the comment I get most often from people following my blog is, "I would never be able to do what you are doing. I would never be able to keep my sanity while being in the hospital for that long." I get it, it's overwhelming to think about but when it is your reality you have to make the most of it and I want to pass along what I have learned and how I have thrived through this whole ordeal.
Make your room a home
This is probably the most important thing I can pass on. This room may be all you see for weeks or months so do everything you can to make it comfortable. For my sanity things need to be organized, picked up and colorful.
As soon as you get a chance to explore your room, go through the cabinets and drawers to see which ones have been left empty for you to use. These are great places to store your clothes, bags, hobbies and anything else that you brought with you to the hospital. In my room I have a small drawer next to my bed that I keep all my clothes in (neatly folded and organized, of course) and a large cubby that I use to hold the crafting supplies I find myself using on a daily basis. With those things being close to the bed they are easy to get to and the nurses can easily grab something if I need it but am tied down with monitoring.
There is a ledge behind my bed that has become my pantry. In the beginning I was on a restricted diet so I couldn't have any food from outside, but as soon as they opened my diet back up, I took advantage of having a space to keep food. I usually keep a stash of granola bars, chocolate (I am pregnant after all), homemade granola from home which can be added to yogurt from the cafeteria, coffee with a funnel so I can make my own pour-over in the morning, a mug from home, tea, Splenda, silverware from the hospital cafeteria, mints and fruit. Having these snacks available also helps when my daughter comes to visit. She's always on the hunt for snacks :)
There are two windows in my room. These windows are my view of the world, the time of day, the weather, what season it is. I want to draw as much attention to them as possible so I keep flowers on the windowsill. I have a small pot of gerber daisies in dirt that Aunt J brought me, a vase of flowers from home that my husband brought me and a small vase of flowers my Mom brought me. Flowers are a very easy way to brighten up a dull room and when they are in the window they catch the light. People are always bringing flowers to patients in the hospital so it is a great way for people to feel like they are bringing you something you can enjoy. I also set my Mother's Day card and gifts up on that ledge too. I made a dreamcatcher and used a suction cup to hang it in the window. The other window has a flag hanging in it that my Mom got at the Telluride Bluegrass Festival a few years back. It is blue & purple with dragonflies and a mandolin on it. The mandolin body has a landscape scene on it. Very colorful and also hung with suction cups. On the ledge of that window I have a basket that is filled with playing cards, books, colored pencils, coloring books and a puzzle.
In most hospital rooms there is a couch of some sort that can be used as a bed when you have company stay over. Because this is the larges piece of furniture in the room aside from my bed I decided to drape a quilt over it. The quilt I have is one my Mom brought me from her house. It was made by my great-aunt Hazel and is yellow with purple pansies on it. The great thing about using a quilt to dress up the couch is that it can also double as a blanket for company that stays over making their stay more comfortable as well. There is a chair in the corner that I livened up with a purple pillow from home.
I also found a lower cabinet by the door that was available and that is where I store things that I don't need access to but need to have here at the hospital. For example, a large duffle bag to pack things into if I need to move rooms (which you may need to do a couple of times), my backpack & a bag of toys for Juniper to play with when she comes to visit.
There is a cork board in the corner which could be a great place to hang pictures from home but I have two onesies hanging there for inspiration, as a reminder of the end goal of this whole experience.
Make sure that your bed is as comfortable as possible. I know this may be hard to achieve but here are some suggestions. Bring your pillow from home with a few extra pillowcases. Your pillow will smell familiar and will offer a lot more comfort than the quick-to-deflate pillows they give you at the hospital. Also, bring a blanket from home to drape across the bottom of your bed. This offers a chance to bring more color into the room while giving you something much softer and more comfortable to use when you sleep. The hospital linens aren't the softest things in the world.
In the bathroom do what you can to make it feel like home too. Bring your favorite soap, shampoo, toothbrush, toothpaste, nail clippers, nail file, lotions (face & body, hospitals are constantly circulating the air which makes it VERY dry), chapstick, hairbrushes, hairdryer, etc. It may seem like a lot but let me tell you, when they let you shower and you get the chance to wash all those layers of ultrasound gel off you will want to come out of there feeling refreshed and smelling like yourself. The hospital soaps will get you clean but make you feel more sterilized than refreshed. Bring your own towel too if you are having a hard time dealing with the hospital towels. I decided to just use the towels that the hospital provided because it was one less thing that I needed to worry about laundering.
Laundry
This one is tricky. Most hospitals do not have a washer & dryer available for patients to use. This is a major bummer when you find yourself looking at an extended stay. The way I deal with this is that I have a laundry bag that I keep in the corner and I give it to either my Mom or my husband when they visit to take home and launder for me. Since all I do is sit in a hospital bed most of the day I don't find myself going through that many clothes. This means that I usually only need someone to take clothing home to wash every couple weeks. Make sure that you take the opportunity to change out your pillowcases too if you decide to bring your own pillow.
Absolutely every piece of linen that they provide you at the hospital is white. This means that if you want any hope of being able to keep your linens separated and not lost within the hospital only bring non-white linens for your pillows/towels/etc. Also, do not use the linen bin provided at the hospital for your personal linens from home. Many mamas have lost entire wardrobes because the housekeepers come in and change out the bags in those bins without looking inside. Keep your linens on the opposite side of the room.
Absolutely every piece of linen that they provide you at the hospital is white. This means that if you want any hope of being able to keep your linens separated and not lost within the hospital only bring non-white linens for your pillows/towels/etc. Also, do not use the linen bin provided at the hospital for your personal linens from home. Many mamas have lost entire wardrobes because the housekeepers come in and change out the bags in those bins without looking inside. Keep your linens on the opposite side of the room.
Routine
Living in a hospital room for an extended period of time is going to feel so foreign. Absolutely everything that brings you comfort normally at home is something that you will need to recreate in a very sterile, cold environment. If you are an antepartum patient because of your water breaking, you will quickly see a pattern to your daily routine once you make it through the VERY TOUGH first 48 hours where they try to stop labor. The first part of figuring out your routine is to get an idea of the shift change happens with the nurses. Nurse shifts here last 12 hours and shift change happens at 7:30am & 7:30pm. This means that I usually see/meet my nurse for the next shift within the first hour of the shift depending on how busy they are. It is also important to note the hours of the cafeteria/room service. Here the cafeteria opens at 7am and is open until 7pm. When I place my food order they usually bring it to my room within 45 minutes. Fetal monitoring needs to happen 3 times a day, preferably at least 4 hours apart. Here's what my daily schedule looks like:
7:00am-8:30am Wake up, brush teeth, change out of PJs, open blinds, remake bed, gather hobbies/books/crafts I want easy access to and put them near the bed, order breakfast, eat breakfast
8:30am Call nurse for first monitoring session, take prenatal vitamins/iron/colase, check vitals (temperature, blood pressure, signs of swelling or preeclampsia), get hooked up to fetal monitors
8:45am-9:45am Check in with the perinatologist on duty & 1st monitoring of the day (they need a solid hour of tracings for the twins so sometimes this takes more than an hour if the twins constantly move away from where their monitors have been placed. At its worst it took 3 1/2 hours to get a solid hour of tracings but that was back at 28 weeks when they were still really small with lots of fluid to move around in)
10:00am-12:00pm Free time for crafting, walking if possible, surfing the internet, etc.
12:00pm Order lunch/eat lunch
2:00pm Call nurse for second monitoring session, check vitals (temperature, blood pressure, signs of swelling or preeclampsia), get hooked up to fetal monitors
2:15pm-3:15pm 2nd monitoring of the day
3:30pm-6:00pm Free time
6:00pm Order dinner/eat dinner
8:00pm Call nurse for third monitoring session, check vitals (temperature, blood pressure, signs of swelling or preeclampsia), get hooked up to fetal monitors
8:15pm-9:15pm 3rd monitoring of the day
9:15pm Last check in with the night shift nurse, take colase
9:30pm Prep for bed (put on pjs, turn down bed and arrange pillows as needed, close blinds, brush teeth, put crafts away, etc)
10:30pm Sleep
Having a routine and a normal pattern to my day has really helped me feel like I have a little control in a situation where you feel you have none at all. Knowing that things will happen the same way day after day makes the long haul seem less daunting, at least it has for me.
Accepting your new reality
The first week that I was here I was completely overwhelmed and felt completely helpless. I am a stay-at-home mom and suddenly all those tasks that I took care of were going to need to be done by someone else, someone who didn't know where everything was, someone who didn't know all my tips and tricks to get through anything and everything. That stressed me out to no end. It broke my heart that I could no longer snuggle with my husband at the end of the night, love and kiss on my daughter whenever I want, go for walks and get outside anytime I want. Everything I knew as normal was gone in an instant and coming to terms with that is not easy.
I walked in the door of Labor & Delivery on Wednesday and by Saturday I was a hot mess, crying at every little thing, doing all I could to keep that lump in my throat from taking over. The nurse that was assigned to me that day could tell I was having a hard time so she did all she could to help reassure me that I made the right decision in being here, that I should be thankful that the twins were stable and that I was still pregnant. She held me while I cried it out and did all she could to bring a smile back to my face. For all of this I am eternally grateful. I need to cry and have those days to come to terms with drastic change in my life, always have.
Once I got thru that day, I felt a lot better. It was definitely hard, I still cried every time I saw my daughter in person, every time my husband left after a visit, every time I thought about the daunting task I was given to stay pregnant for as long as possible. But crying is part of acceptance for me. It is essential to regaining my strength to face another day. Don't hold it in, it will only hold you back. I don't cry as much anymore. I have weeks where I need to FaceTime less with my family because it is just too hard to watch Juniper grow up from a distance, to watch my husband have hard days where he struggles to maintain this new schedule where he's a single Dad.
I walked in the door of Labor & Delivery on Wednesday and by Saturday I was a hot mess, crying at every little thing, doing all I could to keep that lump in my throat from taking over. The nurse that was assigned to me that day could tell I was having a hard time so she did all she could to help reassure me that I made the right decision in being here, that I should be thankful that the twins were stable and that I was still pregnant. She held me while I cried it out and did all she could to bring a smile back to my face. For all of this I am eternally grateful. I need to cry and have those days to come to terms with drastic change in my life, always have.
Once I got thru that day, I felt a lot better. It was definitely hard, I still cried every time I saw my daughter in person, every time my husband left after a visit, every time I thought about the daunting task I was given to stay pregnant for as long as possible. But crying is part of acceptance for me. It is essential to regaining my strength to face another day. Don't hold it in, it will only hold you back. I don't cry as much anymore. I have weeks where I need to FaceTime less with my family because it is just too hard to watch Juniper grow up from a distance, to watch my husband have hard days where he struggles to maintain this new schedule where he's a single Dad.
The most important thing to remember, the mantra you need to keep on replay in your mind:
All things are temporary. This is all temporary.
I am here because I want these twins to survive and be healthy. If I need to sacrifice every thing I know to be normal for the sake of these babies then so be it. Their health is my #1 priority. This stay in the hospital will end. We will all be under one roof again. It's not going to happen as fast as you want it to but have faith, stay positive and take it one day at a time.
Find reasons to celebrate
On the bathroom door there is a dry erase board where they list out the date, my name, support person's name, my nurse on duty, doctor on duty, whether we are having a boy or girl, names we've chosen, plan of care for the day, goals for comfort management, room # & phone number for my room. I look at this board a lot. It has all the information I need for the day and is updated at shift change by my nurse. In one column they list out my progress, 35w/2d. Below that I keep track of how many days I have been here, day 54. Now I also list a countdown to delivery, 13 days. There are always reasons to celebrate.
I was 27w5d when I walked in the door and the first major celebration needed to happen when I got to 28 weeks. We celebrated me making it through the magnesium/steriods to stop labor, I was still pregnant and the twins were stable. The next celebrations happened at 30, 32, 34 & 35 weeks. These are all major milestones in fetal development and each milestone means less NICU for the babies.
This past Friday I hit 35 weeks which means that there is a 50% chance that the babies will need to go to the NICU if they are born that day. If we make it to 36 weeks than it means there is only a 15% chance that they will need to be in the NICU. 37 weeks is considered full term for twins!
The nurses here do a great job of congratulating me on reaching these milestones and reminding me how few days I need to go to hit the next one. These small goals give me an easy way to be hopeful. My husband always sends me a very excited text each time I make it past another milestone. Sometimes Mom takes me out to celebrate. Take advantage of the little things, you soon find yourself very motivated by them :)
Entertaining yourself
The key to getting the days to go by quickly is to find hobbies that occupy your mind and time. For me I need to multitask to feel that I have accomplished anything during the day. Since I am stuck in bed for the majority of the time this posed an interesting challenge: how do you multitask from a bed? During my internship in DC at the Kennedy Center, I taught myself to crochet as a way to de-stress at the end of the day. I usually make blankets but I found them hard to work on when you are stuck in bed. Most blanket patterns require the same stitch over and over and over again. I needed to try something different I so learned how to crochet stuffed animals. This hobby has given me smaller projects to accomplish that I can mail to people and bring smiles to their faces. I can use this very frustrating time in my life to create lovely things for other people and that brings me a lot of satisfaction. Crocheting has become something I can do while listening to audio books or watching movies and TV shows. This fulfills the multitasker in me as well.
I tried reading books but my pregnancy brain has made it impossible for me to remember the story from page to page. I color with colored pencils & coloring books, do puzzles, watch movies & TV shows, surf the internet & blog. All these things help fill my time but I crochet more than I do anything else. It's good for my mind and I can see my progress. Crocheting is something I rarely have time to do at home normally and I am really enjoying all this time to develop my skills and try new difficult patterns. Find that hobby that you enjoy doing most of all and have people bring you all the supplies you need to do that.
In conclusion...
I know that this is hard. I know it isn't where you wanted to be, it isn't what you planned but remember that you are strong, you are resilient. Becoming a mother is a transformation that breaks us down and rebuilds us stronger and more beautiful than we were before. If you're down, ask for help. If your broken, cry it out, you'll feel better I promise. Try to make the most of your current reality and remember that this is all temporary. Be thankful and grateful for the adventure before you because this journey will shape the rest of your life.
With Love,
Whitney