1. We don't live close to this hospital. It takes an hour and a half to get home on average and that is not taking traffic into consideration. If something were to do wrong at home and we needed to rush to the hospital, a lot could happen in an hour and a half and that would only be the case if we were able to leave right away. If we had Juniper or were away from home it could take even longer.
2. So many aspects of this pregnancy have not gone as planned and we have found ourselves in some pretty scary situations at the drop of a hat. If something happened and we lost one or both of the twins after everything that we have been through I would be completely inconsolable. That would be absolutely devastating.
3. I have a two year old at home and this would almost guarantee that I could not be as bed rested as I am here. I could live at my parents' house for those last couple weeks but I know my June Jane and she would be so frustrated if I was there but unable to play with her the way we used to, walk around all the time the way we used to.
4. Greg, my in-laws & my parents have found a really good balance with taking care of everything in my absence. Although it is really hard to know that those tasks are falling to others for such a long period of time, they have it worked out and it seems to be going really well.
In conclusion, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Spending this much time alone in the hospital is by far the most difficult challenge I have been faced with but despite it all, we are all hanging in there. I need to do what's best for the twins, for our family, and that means I need to be where care can be given at a moment's notice if needed.
Last week one of the doctors said that if things continue to go so well then I may be able to go as long as 37 weeks! Now as amazing as this sounds from a growth stand-point, it made me nervous again considering our history with this pregnancy, the double strain on the placenta shared by the twins & the effects of the TTTS surgery on everything. After doing some of my own research, looking up post-TTTS surgery/rupture information on UCSF's website, talking to other post-TTTS mamas and representatives from the TTTS foundation, I decided that we shouldn't go past 35 weeks because of the risks associated with the placenta failing. At 35 weeks the twins are really close to being as fully developed as we can get without adding more risks to the equation. This hospital also has a policy where at 35 weeks they do not assume that the babies need NICU time. At 35 weeks the NICU staff still assess the twins at birth but if they aren't showing signs of breathing or feeding problems then they will leave the twins with us and not take them to the NICU. This is a very exciting thought because it would mean that after the c-section the twins don't have to be whisked away to another part of the hospital, they can stay with us and bond. Now if the twins are having problems then we will not hesitate to send them to the NICU but in the experience of this hospital, most babies born at 35 weeks or later do not need to spend time in the NICU.
So now we have a plan: c-section at 35 weeks with hopefully no time in the NICU. Now the doctors are discussing when to give me the last dose of steroids which help the babies' lung development. There are two schools of thought that I can't quite remember but I am sure we will go over it in the next couple days.
I'm on day 34 here at the hospital and I can't explain how good it feels to know that there is an end date now, that we have a plan. Maybe it's the Type-A rearing it's head again but I'll take any relief I can get at this point. Sleeping has gotten trickier mainly because the babies are getting so big. They have been in the same position, both breech (head up), for the past week which has made monitoring a little easier. It is nice that they aren't flipping over all the time. They weighed me again this morning and I came in at 199.5lbs! Yay for 5 pounds heavier in just over a week. Another sign that things are heading in the right direction. We will measure the twins again on Friday at the ultrasound.
I have been taking advantage of my passes to get off site when I can. Greg and I went on a date to Screen Door, Mom and I got pedicures and went shopping at the mall across the street, A and I drove up to Timberline Lodge yesterday (I had never been there) and got our fill of mountain air and snow :) There are so many flowers blooming right now and it takes my breath away every time I step outside. It's amazing what you find yourself missing when you're confined to a room most of your days.
With all the colors of spring it is hard to not think about the Lake. The heirloom in our family is a cottage on a lake in Northern Jersey. This cottage has been in our family since 1923. It is and always has been home, my favorite place in the whole world. My Juniper is 6th generation to enjoy that cottage as her summer home and we relish every opportunity we get to spend time there catching up with family, sunning and swimming off the dock, going for hikes around the lake and booze-cruises at 5:00pm. Nothing smells as sweet as the breezes that blow up to the porch from off the lake. The rainstorms leave you humble, the sunshine leaves you renewed. Sadly things will be too crazy this year for us to make it out there this summer but I still love thinking about that wonderful place. We are truly blessed to have such an amazing oasis available to us.
I have a little less than 3 weeks left. Doesn't seem that long when you really think about it. Soon we will all be home, together again, with all of this behind us. I hate to wish time away but I am ready. Beyond ready.
With Love,
Whitney
PS. Baby bump pictures have been requested so here ya go :)
